Happy anniversary

EDIT: I actually wrote this is August but didnt post it because I like to sit on it and review it. A senior moment/forgetfulness happened so here it is 2 months late.

I’m not sure why exactly, but it’s a hard day. I made the choice to leave the life I built. And I know its the right thing to have left. But it’s my 41st anniversary.

I spent part of the day clearing out the barn with the cowboy to get ready for an estate/garage sale. Most of the stuff is his, tools, fishing gear, stuff collected over 4 decades. So much STUFF.

Neither of us addressed the elephant in the room. Happy anniversary seems… I don’t know, ill conceived, ingenuine. So we both ignored it. Meanwhile, we both suffered through whatever this is.

If anyone ever tells you, divorce means nothing, just do it, yada, yada, yada. It isn’t easy. Period.

I haven’t even filed yet. I will. Do I know why I’m waiting? No not really. But this is who I’ve been for more of my life than not. I’m ready to move on. But there’s this physical thing that’s messing with my head (broken wrist, see other post) I’m vulnerable and struggling. Not who I was last Feb when I left. I will give it time. Time is what I have but also what is a precious commodity at my age.

I’m not sure how to navigate this. To be sad, to be happy, to be free. All of it.

Ok enough ramblings by a Riley for tonight. Thank you for listening to you of those still there.

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6 thoughts on “Happy anniversary

  1. I hope it gets easier with time but I really think the two of you need to have a conversation or two. Here I am assuming you haven’t. Having the physical problems right now doesn’t help much. I think when you can get a place of your own and start rebuilding your life it will get easier. Sending giant hugs, dear friend. Love you! Nd yes I’m still here.

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  2. Leaving takes strength and you are stronger than you know. Having to work with him has got to be hard- hopefully that will change once you two finish the house and no longer need to work together. You are an amazing woman and I am here for you! Love you my friend!

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  3. I am so sorry you are going through so many changes at once. It’s a lot of stress and a lot of emotions to unpack. The most important advice given to me and I can share is to listen to the still small voice inside, because all of the answers are there for you–they’re not all easy, but they’ll be the right ones for you. You’ll receive a lot of judgement and unsolicited advice, but only you can feel what you feel, make decisions best for you, and set the goals that make you whole. Meanwhile, thank you for sharing your experiences, questions, and emotions–you may never know who you are helping ‘out there.’ Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way! Dawn

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    1. Ah, thank you. Yes it’s important to quiet my overactive mind and listen to that inner voice. That’s great advice, and I’m grateful for your insight.
      I probably overshare but it heals me to express myself. And bonus points if I help someone else along the way 😊

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