Complications and Vulnerability

How many life changes are good for a person in a 6 month span? It depends on if they are viewed as good or bad.

On June 28, I misjudged a step, fell onto my outstretched left wrist. Fractured it. Actually destroyed it, pulverized it. Yeah, when I do it, I do it up good.

2 weeks immobilized in a splint before having surgery, with pins and plate. I’m now 3 weeks post surgery. Wow, on the healing path, you’d think. And I guess I am. But between the stiffness in my hand, wrist and fingers from so long being immobilized, and continued swelling, it’s a very slow recovery. I can’t even make a fist. I only thought I was frustrated in my last post about my house.

As I sit here trying to create a positive attitude where I feel none (sorry, negative Nancy has been visiting), I try to find patience and gratitude in this situation. It’s damn hard. I cry constantly trying to stretch my hand, fingers, wrist in pain, frustration and self pity. There must be some lessons I’m supposed to be getting out of this.

Finding the silver lining has been a challenge but it might be this. I have had a tribe of friends, checking on me, visiting me, driving me to appointments. My son I had been “on a break” with, has stepped up, helping, texting more than we’ve ever done. These people have shown me caring and love like never before. So this, this is what I’m supposed to learn. Who my people are.

In my big life change, I have considered moving to Arizona or some place warmer. After this all encompassing, devastating injury, it gives me pause. To be that far away from real help. That’s not to say I can’t make new friends but it’s definitely something to consider that I never gave a real thought to.

I believe in adventures, in independence, your own self strength. But I now have PTSD, near stairs or unstable footing. I am afraid more than I should be of “what if” right now. I hope this fades, and it probably will. The emotional toll has been almost as bad as the physical in many ways. The vulnerability shakes me, its undescribable. But that being said, it’s one day, one hour at a time to get through this.

And I will.


Struggles in the new Life

**post edited because I apparently never published it. See next post as to why…..

Soooo. My house went on the market June 13. Just a handful of showings. Missed the moment. Interest rates climbing. Everyone is scared.

I know what my house is. Made with the best materials 32 years ago had to offer. Brand new carpet, remodeled master bath, a dream. The only thing I’ll miss. Kitchen redone 10 years ago. And according to my daughter, not super up-to-date. But stainless Jenn-air appliances, with granite countertops. C’mon! Over all extremely high quality construction, custom brick work. Did I mention mature fruit trees, plum, pear, several apples? A barn/shop, with stalls, fully fenced for any kind of livestock.

So why is the universe crapping on me now? I’ve lived this life, managing my situation, only to step out and……crickets. Missed it, lost out to interest rates, scared investors. I’m so down, trying my hardest to see the bright side but really struggling. How many more lessons am I supposed to learn? When does the reward come? Have I chosen the wrong path? Should I have stayed in purgatory to glean the reward?

The answer is no. Staying wasn’t an option. There’s no reward worth losing my soul. I try to be optimistic. This is life, the ups and downs. Sure is frustrating though.